guilt.

I have been guilty of a lot of things- taking things without permission, abusing tools, lying through omission, acting out of pettiness and other stuff. But let’s talk about guilty pleasures and guilt overall.

I have been guilted into doing favors and such. I went to my senior prom because my mother asked me. Her reasoning was she did not go to her prom so I needed to go so she can live through me vicariously. I went for her and she was and was not happy for me.

My best friend has a different story. Her mother was a horror when the father left them. According to the mother, it was my best friend’s admission that made the mother change her former way of living. Her use of guilt forced my best friend to abort a baby. It also made the mother sabotage her relationship but that is a different thing. By the mother’s standards, my best friend was guilty of her life-changing and as a result, my best friend should take ownership of her mother’s pain.

I am a band-aid baby. My mother was so determined to move out of her family’s home that she latched onto the first man that asked for her hand in marriage (if you can call his declaration an ask). She went into it gladly assuming that he would be willing to do what she asked. He wanted kids and she gave him that. What she wanted in return was help to fund her own unique tasks. He never gave her that. She assumed several times that she could change him but when she went for the divorce papers, he chose to leave her instead. This made her really mad. And her resentment cemented how she claimed her kids. Since we were not what she wanted, she turned on us as the guilty parties. She wanted us to live her life goals while she went and enjoyed herself. she would use guilt to get her way but, thankfully, she was lazy about it. So it would and would not work on me.

These personal stories lead me to religion and its guilt tactics. When you go into a place of worship, you better be prepared for their guilt-based practices. While these vary based on the culture and the religion, they tend to be tied to how you are misbehaving according to their desired way of presenting to the human beings. The sad part about this is that most of these practices are meant to worship the deities and prepare people for various awakenings. The cultures of things have switched their focus on the physical plane and that changes where the blessings are obtained/contained.

Talking to people of other cultures, guilt is a tool often wielded by the mother. This is an indication that guilt is used in women's circles in most cultures. And it pulled out when one acts in a way that is considered not pleasing or to get something they want or need. That is a nuanced thing. Both sides of this coin mean that these women are not learning how to communicate effectively. One should not need guilt to get what one needs. And yet we continue to do these things. When it comes to men in these places, I will have to ask tsunami about that someday.