I Shall Not Want but…

In my quest of looking at my inability to want, I recall my Sony Vaio and how that became my prized possession.

Like many other Christian families, I was raised with the adage, I Shall Not Want. At the tender age of seven, when I told my mom how my dad was going out to cheat on her, I recall looking at this piece of art while she pressed out my hair. It always puzzled me why need and want were at odds. I tried not to want things or people. Most of the time, I succeeded I think But there were five exceptions that came along in my life:

A corset.

I really love period pieces and watching people being laced into these items always fascinated me. I wanted to see if it would be as fun to be in one. When I got my first steady income, I bought one. I wore it once. When I returned to the theater space in 2010, I found corsetstory.com and purchased the first of many pieces from them throughout my dive into burlesque. I still love them and adore my corset dress. I will be really sad not to fit into it again.

A planisphere.

This stemmed from my 6 in 1 science kit that my parents got. Of all the items in this kit, I enjoyed looking at the stars the most. Not as an astronaut but as a light in the darkness. It was the start of my goddess worship as it aligned with my favorite children's story, Daylight. In this story, a girl was secluded in a tower where she danced for the moon and aged every cycle. The male watching this enjoyed her at all stages of her life and helped her in her wise age thus breaking the spell. The girl, in turn, saved him from his quest. Kind of where my mind got the pledge to the goddess in the first place now I think about it. But the nub broke on it by the time I was nine. I vowed to get another one as my parents were not keen on replacing this piece of cardboard for some reason. And now with Google Sky, neither am I.

Sailor Moon the Entire Series.

For the US audience, this show was chopped up something terrible. I never got to see half of it until it was brought to Cartoon Network. Even then, it was spotty. Again with the moon and gems alignment and being a light warrior, I really wanted to see how this ended. I started to get my change in college and by the power of eBay and Amazon. It was great to get this set and finish it in Japanese with subtitles.

Xena: Warrior Princess The Entire Series.

I loved this show growing up. I loved the friendship element between Xena and Gabrielle. I adored how their companionship endured so many trials. It was the kind of love that I craved. Looking at how I told a truth to tsunami, I realize that my need for a friend foundation in my romantic relationship is related to watching this dynamic and is enhanced by my inability to get good friends in order to want a good lover. It always bothered me when a relationship was built on a sexual attraction or some external item as if that would be enough to last into a life commitment. I acquired this on a rare day when Barnes and Noble was having a sale on box sets. I paid $150 for the series on DVD. It was amazing to have acquired it all in one sitting.

Sony Vaio.

My love for Sony products happened with the first stereo with CD my father brought into the house. He played 1994 Seal and I fell in love with the system and the artist at the same time. Seal is still my OG sensual fantasy of being intimate with someone. But as time moved on, Sony had the first customizable laptop. I was delighted by this and wanted one of my own. I would plot out my design on and off throughout my college career, longing for one.
It took until 2008 and the boon from the government to acquire one of these. I did not get the customizable one as this model was on sale at Best Buy for $300 or so but I was in love. Even the Best Buy floor person suggested a Dell. I was like, no thanks. Sony, please. The first one was stolen in April 2009. Thankfully I had insurance so I got an upgrade and replacement. I loved it. I kept it until its battery went out in 2012. This was replaced before the line was discontinued in 2015. I knew then that I should move to another model or brand. I opted to stay with my Sony. It was my love. So when the gods said back it up, I should have backed up.

I did not always back it up.

I never lost my data but I did lose access to it several times. I replaced the hard drive twice, the keyboard once. And then the graphics card died in September before the tsunami came. I should have backed up. I didn’t. I can still get my information but it was a warning I could have heeded for tsunami. My Sony Vaio was the sole constant in my bedroom. I would fall asleep with it in my bed every night. I would take it to the bathroom with me. It was my Gabrielle essentially. I was not very nice to it in that sense.

Now I have to wait for tsunami to come to me in the fall and my Sony is not able to be my comfort in this wait. I get to keep this person eventually. They will be constant in my haven eventually.

I can not wait to begin waking up to someone.