porn.

I recall the first time I watched porn with my best friend. We came across a video in her grandfather’s room and sat quietly observing the scene. I no longer recall the scene save that we both were critiquing it. I think my bestie stole the video for later review. She was caught with it at a family gathering a few years later thanks to me. I think that was my first time enjoying a scene but not for the reasons one may think. After all my reading of historical romances and indecent exposure to the male form, it was a slow wonder to see porn. So let’s talk about my experiences with porn.

I like the idea of porn. I like that people want to be sexually liberated and explore. For a world that offers a narrow way of exploring romance, I want to fight to make porn ethical, informative and most important of all, safe for all parties involved. The lack of sexual safe spaces is when watching porn becomes rather difficult.

Being raised in a space where sexual assault was rampant, I have mild panic attacks when comes to sexual exploitation like pornography. When some college friends showed me the photos of a male strip club, I overcompensated my enjoyment of the photos when I was really uncomfortable and bemused as I don’t often indulge in objectifying people as sex objects even when that is what they are doing of their own free will. PornHub and RedTube were introduced to me in my 20s and I mildly enjoyed the free content from the major film studios in the porn industry. I would try to only watch those scenes operating under the assumption that the people in them were paid ethically and were willing participants. When I came across free uploads of private experiences like the infamous drunk girl, I was fascinated by the need for exposition. It did and did not turn me on until I thought about the ethics.

It was learning about the backlash of the people enjoying this outlet of sexual exploration that made me question the kind of porn that was available. Too much of the porn created for the average person’s consumption is based in scenarios where the person is in a bind and forced to sex their way out. Conversely, they are forced to offer sex in exchange for access. All the sex has some level of power dynamics in it where one of the parties in the bed has their power taken away from them. In some sexual spaces, that is the appeal. But that is usually done in a space where both parties have agreed to the kind of control release that is mutually beneficial.

I don’t explore porn channels too much now. It makes me sad to think about it. I wonder if the woman is being talked into something she does not want to do in the first place or if the man really wants to do what he is doing. I look at the group sex scenes of college people and am saddened by the guys who are thrusting into a woman like they really don’t care about her but the approval of their audience. Here is an act that is supposed to be the worship of the divine among the genders and porn, as it stands, takes the human out of it.