unspoken.

As a relationship pending individual, I have been examining as much as I am able from the sidelines what the straight and dating communities assume about the other as a shared normal. I try not to do such things as I am aware that my view of the world is different from other people. So how do I, as an outsider to these spaces deal? I question everything to a degree.

No, I question nearly everything.

So let’s review what I have been told it normal in the dating space.

Who Pays?

I used to have an optimal ideal for who paid on the first date- since it was the first time, we would split the bill. It worked in my brain since we both were committing time to the other and if we never saw the other again that neither was out of anything but a few hours of energy. But I was considered a stem in the lesbian community. Moreover, I am an anomaly. I am feminine presenting so paying is assumed to be the honor or duty of my date, not me. That is the heterosexual normality that I am to adhere to with tsunami moving forward. I kind of get it to a degree but I know now that my quest for equality bothered the hell out of my male friends to a degree. Well, some of them at least. But these men never went out with my brother when it was just my mother and myself. He would give a look that said he was annoyed by paying for women when he was not showing off his ability to pay to other people.

More so, I have a problem going out of the house and not being able to provide for myself from my booty call arrangement with the ex. She would only go out of her way to pay if she was hungry. I accepted that but this is the same ex that never had anything in her fridge to avoid having to go out in the first place. Paying for my appetite is a complex thing to me that has nothing with my gender. But no one asks me this. They just look at my physical and assume that they are now in the position to take care of the bill should I not offer to pay for it. Looking at my time with tsunami and the time we met, I never looked at our shared meals from this lens. I took our meals as classmates and split them most of the time. Looking back, this really bothered him to a degree. But in my mind, I was flush enough to take care of my own for a bit. I wanted to enjoy it.

Tests.

I adore the Youtuber swoozie. He has decent enough advice and likes spending time with women in a non-sexual capacity. That is a comfort to me, men that enjoy the company of women as friends. I usually seek that out in married couples. But he does date on occasion and takes time to test some of his relationships since having friends in your dating realm can be difficult. I have seen that issue in the lesbian space so I understand it. Note to all the straight people, you don’t miss that confusion regardless of your sexual orientation. I never did this. I declared what my status was with my friends and ran with it. Friends with benefits or moving the line from friend to romantic interest was not something I really considered.

Why some may ask? Don’t I get lonely?

I had a complex booty call relationship with my ex that needed to dissolve. I did not encourage more drama in my life than that situation caused. I already knew booty call situations would suck for me. So I never entertained them. Moving a friend into a romantic interest space was slightly different since I did have a six-month window for romantic feelings to evolve. Most of the time, I knew they never would so I let go of the window rule after a year or two. This has lost me some friendships since I am so determined to keep my lines clear in my friend spaces. But while I am extremely lonely to a degree, I know disappearing into a relationship just to ease that one ache is not enough for me. Eventually it compounds the lonely feeling since both parties are trying to fill the void with other people.

But back to testing people. I hate the idea. I am more like a job applicant than a blind tester when it comes to relationships. You know what you need to qualify and bring your own brand of extra. We assess from there. Blind tests, although done by the deities to a degree are not something I would expect from me nor will I encourage them in my relationship with tsunami.

Let’s hope that we are in agreement with that.